the beginning middle and end

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We are approaching a beautiful time of repentance set aside for us in the life of the Orthodox Church.

It is a time of reconciliation and spiritual growth

Already the Church has been priming us with the beautiful Sunday’s of preparation… the humility of the tax collector, the coming to his senses of the Prodigal Son.  Judgement Sunday is a great call bringing us to our senses that we are not saved alone, our lives are not our own and the least of our brethren is Christ – the beggar, the prisoner, the crippled man.   That to pass by their suffering is to pass by Christ   Rejection.

These are but a little leaven softening the lump of our hearts.

It’s my favorite season of the Church – but I know I say that about all of the seasons set aside in the Church – I guess they all are my favorite, really.

As a mom I have tried to explain this word repentance to my daughters. I want them so comfortable with it that they could cuddle up with it like a blanket.

I want them to nestle in the Truth of Faith and embrace the timeless wisdom and Grace of the Church and live their lives in it. Because what I have noted is that in today’s relative everything goes world many ears have hardened to this word making it sound more like a punishment than a healing holistic way.

Repentance as a word and a way looks like an angry wagging finger rather than an inviting outstretched Hand.

The reality for most of us us that life happens. We get mired in the muck of it and the muck of it gets all over us. And so the Church guides us gently into Repentance.

The fruit of it is a heart returning to innocence – something like that of a child.  Another helpful explanation I have heard is that it is a cure or return to wholeness.  A monk, older than me, once told me that after years of not seeing a childhood friend who had entered Orthodox monasticism he made the journey to visit her and saw in her all of the qualities of innocence he remembered from when they were children playing together and this innocence, for me is now the image of repentance.

I suppose that’s why monastics also say that repentance is gift and our task.

It’s a heart given entirely over to Christ. A struggle.

Faith like a child, love like a child, forgiveness and innocence like a child.

I want that – I need that. don’t you?


the gates of innocence

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This is a gate of the road leading to the pasture of our small family farm…

As we approach the time of the Orthodox Christian beautiful fast, which is more to say the beautiful emphasis on repentance (rekindling the Greatest Commandment in our hearts) the Church blesses and fortifies us with the hymn 

Open to me, O Giver of Life, the gates of repentance:

for early in the morning my spirit seeks Your holy temple…

(Troparion of Matins, Sunday of the Publican and the Pharisee).  

Some time ago a monastic told me that “repentance is a gift” and that it is also our task.  Struggle.  A blogging priest wrote that repentance is turning to God in the acceptance who I am (warts and all).  Stark reality.  A friend monk recently explained repentance as a return to childhood innocence yet with all the knowledge and experience of a life lived.  Humility. Struggle.  Rekindling.

 My admiration for monastics is deep because their repentance is lived every second of every day which is why the faithful also seek out their counsel. 

Over the years and tears, a meditation of the gates of repentance, that might one day open for me, has formed. 

That meditation is of our migration, as the body of Christ, being led by our Mother the Church into the fields of Great Lent.  Each year I envision it as a pasture – like the one above – and that Lenten pasture nourishment being the hymns of the Church services; our public prayers corporate and deepest most intimate devotions private; the reading of Scriptures;  the Mysteries of the Church and the giving of alms.  These ways bear the language and embodiment of repentance.  They remind us that everything—the beating of our hearts, the breath of our lungs, each morsel of food, every failure – like the pig pen of the Prodigal, and every success—is pure gift.   Great Lent is about love, because it is Divine Love that brought us into being.

The pastures of Great Lent nourish us on the language of salvation, encouraging and nourishing the very depth of our being – that our life is not our own and  “that it is not the production of crops that feeds man, but Your word that maintains those who believe in You” (Wisdom of Solomon 16:26)

May God bless us to feel the Lent.

“Open to me the doors of repentance for early in the morning my spirit seeks Your holy temple…” 


to create a wreath divine

blessing table flower

 

Remember your Creator until the silver cord is removed,

And the golden flower is pressed together

Ecclesiastes 12:6

 

A discarded sunshiny flower bloom on that blessing bearing table outside the town coffee shop.  This lonely little flower on a cold wintry morning, immediately reminded me of a Christmas carol taught to me by an older woman, a Romanian Canadian choir director, who pulled so many of us into her choir – persistent despite even many many protests.  She had a vision, decades before it was popular, which is why it was a vision, of an english speaking Orthodox Church and she left her Romanian Church with others to found one, and make it a reality.

In her choir we sang english, but also learned hymns in every language of the Church, so that if a Greek, Russian or Serbian or Middle Eastern family came into our parish, we would sing a hymn of the Liturgy in their language, thus making them feel right at home.

She loved music, and taught us all to love and to sing the words of the Church.

This Christmas song is called Three Shepherds and it is even more beautiful with the melody.

 

Three Shepherds

Three shepherds were united
Three shepherds were united
O heavens sunlight
Golden floral sunlight
Thus inspired they decided

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Come now brothers all together

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Come now Brothers all together

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O heavens sunlight
Golden floral sunlight
Many flowers we must gather

To create a wreath divine
To create a wreath divine
O heavens sunlight
Golden floral sunlight
With goodwill t’would be entwined

We’ll present it to our Lord
We’ll present it to our Lord
O heavens sunlight
Golden floral sunlight
In HIS LOVE forevermore

 


the finest gift

drums of Kenya

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heartbeat and offering

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These drums sit in a Church in the Diocese of Meru and Mount Kenya.  I snapped this picture on our recent parish trip to Kenya.  As we approach the coming Nativity of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, these drums resonate deeply,

In the year prior to leaving for our trip, our parish priest told a story that during the passing of a collection tray in an African Church a woman placed the tray on the ground and stood in it.

Everyone her asked what are you doing? She replied “I have nothing to offer but myself”.   I can scarcely fathom the extraordinary depth of Grace and humility in that moment.

Truly that is anaphora -and offering –  and one to bear in mind that regardless of our wealth or deeds  – it is our whole heart and love God seeks and in return He offers the same.

These Kenyan drums recalled in my mind the song of The Little Drummer Boy – just a poor boy- he thought he had no gifts to bring that were fit to give a King – but he offered himself – his talent –  and so in that treasured Christmas song, it was only to that poor young boy that the Lord smiled.

 

this Nativity give thanks from your whole heart

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and find that when His eyes rest upon your whole heart  that truly is the “finest gift we bring”


still still night

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star light

star bright

star resting over the Cross this night

i wish i may

i wish i might

have only that which “is needful” in Thy sight

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the song below is  our family’s favorite version of silent night

the local youth choir where our kids sing recorded it with the Washington Symphobic Brass

at the concert, the composer told us he used a minor setting because he really wanted to capture the mystery of the Nativity

he nailed it


healing garden

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“Why do we garden?  We garden because we are created in the image of the Master Gardener, in whose likeness we grow in measure as we garden.  We are not only the field that God gardens but his fellow gardeners in the Paradise he is restoring (1 Cor 3:19)  When we garden in humility, with love of truth and beauty, love of the Beloved One himself, Paradise grows up around us.”

The Fragrance of God (p. 48)

(Vigen Guroian)

This Fall, while working at our Church bookstore, I discovered author and Orthodox Theologian Vigen Guroian.  Reading his mediations of gardening and his recollections of his Armenian heritage are absolutely beautiful – like listening to an old friend.

 In Inheriting Paradise he writes, “These mediations are quite personal.  Yet I did not find it uncomfortable to expose my own inner life through them.  It was like talking to a friend or visitor on a stroll through the “real things”

Working the earthy garden works the dirt of the soul and honors a seasonal rhythm which ebbs and flows with the liturgical nature of the rhythm of Church.  For me, the garden mirrors something of my soul – it can get weedy.

In a few years I will be fifty years old – and I am really glad and settled to almost have reached that milestone.

For about 40 of those years, I have been gardening in some fashion or other.  The wisdom, toil and harmony of the garden has carried me through many joys and hardships.  The rich earthy humus especially reminds me from whence I have come.

As I come into my mid-life it is a grateful reminder.  “και του χρόνου”

Gardening those early days of my childhood, I would always gather  the wild onions, because I never wanted to pluck the pretty flowers.

Over the years those onions bear an allegory all their own.

Gardens have nothing to prove but are known by their fruits.  The fragrance of a garden bears the story of it’s maturity.   And so every garden bears it’s own story, hidden beneath the harmony of their canopy, beauty of the flowers and nurture of the harvest.

Gardening sustained me through the abuse of a childhood that profoundly shaped my life and the lives of those I love.  The quiet of the garden heartened me toward goodness until I found true Goodness that also profoundly shaped my life and the lives of those I love.

The bees in our little garden beckon us toward sharing because of the symbiotic friendship between blooms offering their nectar and bees selflessly gathering the sweet floral essence for their gift of honey.  The sharing of pollen and pollination which increases the plentifulness of the yields in our neighbors gardens such that when they share their harvest it is more than we can use or store.

This is the goodness of the garden – why gardeners share their portion.

No matter where we have lived, there has been a garden.  In our first basement condominium home, the garden was just a windowsill .  It was where lavender grew from seeds and I learned that life can grow and thrive and flourish in the most difficult and even neglected situations – a leaky windowsill and a crumbly earthenware pot – there is the beauty to blooming where one is planted.

Nativity is upon us and amidst the cold weather our garden rests in the same expectation as hearts silently awaiting the birth of Christ.


train your senses

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Christians are the “real” realists.  The Son of God by his Incarnation has demonstrated that the world is filled with symbols of God.  These symbols that God has planted in the world testify not only to His existence, but also to the goodness of His Creation.  By the example of His own life, Christ teaches us that through our senses we may commence our spiritual journey, and that He will receive us into Paradise in the full integrity of our humanity, body and soul united in communion with Him.

Vigen Guroian

the Fragrance of God


little blessings

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We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature – trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence… We need silence to be able to touch souls.

Mother Teresa

Do you find little blessings throughout your day?

They come in all manner of ways and need not even be spectacular.

The Cross above was propped up on a tree in the middle of the woods on our morning walk to feed the local horses.

It’s been carried home to hang up on our backyard shed!

A blessing, indeed.

Through the Cross joy has come into all the world.

 

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the mouths of babes

let the children come to me

 

What do children have that we adults are missing? First of all, they have a capacity for wonder and innocent joy, which in adults is tainted by cynicism and sinfulness. Secondly, they are capable of complete trust, which ends up being choked by the thorns of adulthood. And thirdly, they possess absolute humility. These childlike characteristics— wonder, joy, faith, humility— should be our response to the Nativity.

Vassilios Papavassiliou

Meditations for Advent; Preparing for Christ’s Birth

 

This icon of “Let the Children Come To Me” was given to me from my mom (in law) just the other day… .

Several years ago – maybe in 2014 – our homeschool group met the iconographer who was writing this very icon (this is a replica).   At the time it was a huge canvas work in progress hanging on the wall of a building at our local monastery.

The iconographer gave our kids a great talk about iconography and this particular icon.

I’ll never forget when my youngest daughter who was 8 or 9 years old at the time – raised her hand and said “I don’t have a question – it’s just that I noticed that the people in icons never smile with their mouths – but they always smile with their eyes.”

This icon brought with it a wonderful memory and a good word back to me and I am truly grateful for the God timing of it all.

A few years prior I had two encounters with homeless people, who touched me very deeply, not only with their merciful words of abundant blessing, but with also the depth of their eyes – overwhelming me with the presence of the Love of God.  At the time I had wanted to stay with them, Ernie and Mariam, for longer than I did.

That Love,  which is the thread of Christ binding all humanity can only save the world if we cultivate it in our hearts.

If not now, then when?  Why not tend it this season of preparation for the Nativity?